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July 18, 2009

July 18, 2009 – Vinny’s Hand Me Down Porn

             Yesterday Vincent discretely handed me a large brown envelope.  He told me that his friend was playing a joke on him and sending porn to his house.  Vinny didn’t want it around the house.  I believe that he lives alone though, so I’m not sure what he was so worried about.  There was the usual overabundance of profanity that has become Vincent’s trademark, only this time it wasn’t directed at other drivers or their “motha’s.”

            I gave them a watch.  Seemed like pretty lowbrow stuff, although truthfully I wouldn’t know the difference.  Seemed like better stuff than Randy watches though.  Jefferson, Randy’s roommate, said that once every few days there would be a new stack of porn mags in the living room.  Like 40 a month!  He told me that Randy was just buying them at newsstand price.  Don’t those cost like $10 each?  That’s a few hundred dollars a month just in nudie mags.  Jefferson said that most of the mags came with videos, so consequently there were hundreds of them.  Jefferson fancies himself as porn aficionado of sorts.  He said they were crap.  Randy felt that porn, and booze, oh, and expensive seafood dinners were better investments than his share of rent money.


Vincent's Donation

            Jefferson also told me that a few months back Kevin tried to pawn his porn collection to him.  Jefferson politely declined as diplomatically as possible and explained that the donation was sub-par and beneath his standards.  Kevin was afraid that his girlfriend Rhonda, Linda’s sister, might find it.  I’ve seen Rhonda, and she’s in no position to complain.  After seeing Rhonda I can completely understand why Kevin thinks about fucking other girls.  Who could blame him?  Though in all fairness she’s a 10 compared to Linda who sleeps in her clothes, doesn’t brush her teeth, smells like a homeless man’s asscrack, and hasn’t had sex with a man in her 54 years on this Earth…  That makes me think of a great George Carlin quote:

 “I’ve never fucked a 10, but one night I fucked five 2’s – I think that counts.”

If that were the case, he would have to fuck 20 Lindas, and unlike having sex with a perfect 10, that would be nothing to write home about…

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