November 4, 2008 – Business In The Front, Party In The Back

           I was talking to Seamus, one of our brighter foreign drivers.  He’s from Poland.  We were joking about another one of our drivers, one who isn’t quite so bright – Randy.  You probably remember Randy from my previous posts – the drunken redneck that had [the] “Good Year,” on his hooker and booze binge.

"Randy"

            Randy has this ridiculous haircut.  It’s a variation of the “Mullet”, a popular 80’s haircut which featured a shorter, more styled look in front that was long and wavy in the back.  Later came along a hybrid version of this – the rat tail, typical of the haircuts of Wal-Mart shoppers in the Southern States.

"The Rat Tail"

            To add a little pizzazz Randy accessorizes with a variety of different colored beads.  Seamus calls Randy the “CC Rider” or the “Cherokee Chief.”

            Another one if Randy’s trademarks are his mispronunciations.  These are a few of them.  Although pronouncing things when you are drunk must sure be difficult, especially when you are busy concentrating on driving the taxi…

            Peohe’s (A Restaurant) – Peeole’s

            Lowes (A Hotel/Resort Chain) – Lowell’s

            Costa Azul (A restaurant) – Costal Azul

            Clive Cussler – (An Author) – Cleve Clusser

            Laura Dern (An Actress) – Laura Dean

            One day one of the fellow drivers tried to correct Randy.

            Randy: I like that movie with Laura Dean.

            Jefferson: Yeah, she’s a good actress, I think she’ married to Bruce Dern.  (Providing added enunciation on Dern)

            Randy: Yeah, that’s her Laura “Dean.”

Si

July 24, 2008 – Business Travelers

             Picked up a few business travelers earlier tonight.  These are pretty routing, especially during Convention season (Summer months).  They’re a pretty good crowd for the most part, and when they realize that you don’t smell and speak fluent English they are much more apt to ride with you.  I get a lot of return fares, and most of them tip well.  They all just write it off as a business expense.

            They also love the strip clubs, although not as much as the Navy does.  Business travelers often cleverly try to segue into the topic.  It’s obvious where they want to go, and it doesn’t make one bit of difference to me.  I like to bring people to the strip club, they’re all quite far.  They’re all a good ride.

            The travelers often ask me to recommend a good club.  I tell them that they’re all pretty much the same, just that you don’t want to go to one in a shitty part of town.  Me, well I never really saw the appeal of strip clubs.  Paying all of that money to get your dick teased.  Doesn’t strike me as much fun…

            Often I pick up repeat customers, some of them frequent the clubs several times per week to visit “Luscious”, “Candy”, “Fantasia”, or some other typical stripper name.  Now that I think of it, Randy’s favorite girl at the club was named “Candy.”  And what was that strip club called – The Body Shop.  How appropriate.  It looks so glamorous, so elegant, right in the middle of an industrial park in Point Loma.

"World Famous?"

July 20, 2008 – The Taxi Blog Uncovered

            A few days ago Catherine, the company owner, found a fellow drivers blog.  It was pretty tame, especially compared to what I have to write about the company, which is all true I might add.

            Nothing was brought up to the author, but it was clear who was writing it, and what it was about.  Catherine was able to put the pieces together after the blog’s writer went on a rant about how terrible of a roommate that he had (which was also true).  All of the pieces suddenly fit together.  The roommate happened to be a fellow driver with the company and it wasn’t too hard to connect the dots – even for “Catherine.”  After all Randy is quite the standout, although not in the way that most people would use the term.  More in terms of descending than ascending. 

            When Catherine found out she had a little pow-wow with the rest of the obese, bible toting loons and had a “prayer meeting” where they openly sobbed for the blog’s creator.  She prayed for the driver.  I have no idea what they were actually praying for - I can only imagine…  Perhaps something garnished, if not entirely comprised of sugar.  A pastry perhaps.

            Me, well, I think that after reading a few of my posts Catherine will be able to connect the dots here as well.  I’m not worried about that though, she can kiss my ass.  You hear that Catherine?  You can kiss my ass.

You remember Randy right?

http://corruptionincortez.blogspot.com/2012/01/july-9-2008-randy.html

Some of you may remember "Ted Martin's" blog as well - "The SoCal Cabbie"

July 9, 2008 – Randy

            Just when I think I’ve seen it all, I come across a driver like Randy…

            Randy is a sixty something year old man from rural Missouri, or “Missoura” as he calls it.  Randy wears shorts, flip flops, and Hawaiian shirts, Which he swears are part of the company uniform.  They do beautifully accent his mullet and Hyena like cackling though.

            Randy claims he get’s great tips from the Navy, which is doubtful, because he pulls out all the stops – his “Dog and Pony show” if you will.  Perhaps this is done to distract his customers from the fact that he hasn’t showered in 3 days and has been relentlessly chain smoking in the car which now smells like an ashtray.  Some of these dipshits actually smoke CIGARS in the cab.  CIGARS!

            A few years ago Randy got a large inheritance.  I’m not exactly sure what the details were, which really don’t matter.  Something to the tune of  $250,000.  What might you ask did Randy do with this money?  Why he spent it in one year on booze, and hookers at “The Body Shop”, a dilapidated strip club in Point Loma.  His favorite girl is named "Candy".  Real creative right.  For $300 she lets him fill her up with his old wrinkly weiner.  

           I believe he took a several week trip to Brazil as well.   I would say that Randy is a loser.  I don’t think that would be a stretch.  But no, not Randy.  He calls it something else, he calls it “having a good year”. 

            Not much has changed, although since Randy has been driving the taxi he hasn’t been living as lavishly.  He has still however continued to spend the majority of his money on booze and hookers, which often times comes before rent money.  

This was meant to be another one of my caricature's because I don't actually have pictures of most of the drivers, but the more I look at it I think that this might actually be "Randy."