June 27, 2013

And then the threats come...

So it seems that things here at this limo company - who we'll call "Guys in Grey Transportation" have took an unexpected turn.  Yesterday, one of the partners, who'll we'll call "Sluggo" threatened to pursue me outside of work with some of his friends.  Sluggo told me that now we have a "personal vendetta".  I explained to him that this could be construed as a threat.

This situation arose out of the request that they pay me for all of my required back wages and overtime pay.  They have been trying to smooth talk me for weeks on how everything they were doing was by the book and a commonly accepted practice within the industry.  Well, apparently it's not so common since every single person that I have spoken with has instantly determined this to be illegal.  What the company is attempting to do is clock my hours only when I am physically driving to or from a destination, along with some arbitrary additions here and there, instead of paying me for every hour that I have the limo - as I believe they should.

I explained to Sluggo that I would need to be paid for all of my hours according to my accounting methods.  He began to talk in circles and blame me for continuing to work with the company even though I didn't agree with how they were paying me.  By this rationale, it was ok for them to break the law as long as I didn't have any issues with it.

Things got tense when I further explained to Sluggo that they could pay me what I was asking, or just to be sure that no one gets short changed, we could have an attorney or the labor board investigate the case.  Sluggo believed that this amounted to blackmail, and called it such.  I'm not quite sure how they came to that assumption.  Where I'm from, regulatory boards/commissions/agencies are there to protect the public.  If there was any blackmail involved, Sluggo's actions would have more closely resembled such.  I'll tell you one thing - if this does make it to an attorney or the labor board, there may not be many more posts to write about the company...

Until next time...

May 31, 2013

Further Disappointment

Yesterday I threw this sign under the floor mat.  It's simply not true, and discourages tipping.  I've caught the dispatcher persuading the prospective clients that the tip is included too.  Hence, I probably only get tipped about 10% of the time.

I got this for parking in the cell phone lot of the airport with my limo yesterday.  There was no airport permit on the car - something that seems rather important.  It's ok, the company has to foot the bill for this.

I've been drinking these recently.  They only cost 0.50 each.  They are pretty similar to Monster brand energy drinks.  These make you piss yellow.  Probably all of the Vitamin B.

I also seem to have trouble recouping my overtime pay.  I've already asked several times.  I think one more request will be sufficient.  If not we'll see what the labor board has to say about this...

May 21, 2013

My Fancy Limo...

270,000 miles, A/C that has a high pitched squeal and smells funny.  Right rear door doesn't open from the inside.  I'm beginning to believe that all of the jobs within the transportation field are like this.  I'm tired.

I spoke briefly with another limo driver at the airport today, seems like he is dealing with the same thing more or less.  He said that they don't like to pay their drivers.  He's been waiting 5 weeks for his paycheck.  I'd like to believe that crooked foreigners haven't tainted the entire industry, but I have little evidence to prove otherwise.

May 14, 2013

Limo Driver

I've been busy lately...

After working an office job for the last few years I decided to give the transportation industry another shot.  Currently a prospective employer is scouting me out for a limo gig.  Sounds ok.

It's a flat rate for the ride, and the company takes care of all of the gas.  Doesn't seem like the money will be as good as the taxi, but there will surely be less headaches.  I don't envision undomesticated turd-worlders constantly taking my rides (which they won't be able to since I will be receiving calls on my phone giving me the details of the fare), or doors, hoods, or wheels falling off of the limo's.  Oh, how things will be different.

They use computers here as well.

However, I saw something somewhat disturbing the other day.  I came in to do an orientation and noticed that there were many parallels to Cortez Cab Company.  There was a receptionist, a woman  who was perhaps even bigger than all of of the ones at the cab co.  She was dressed pretty fancy - sweats and a tee shirt.  There was a cockroach that scurried across the floor as I was in the waiting area.  It sought refuge near the sink and the large pile of dirty dishes.

The receptionist, "Lupe" didn't seem terrible bright.  She made several phone calls to her supervisor seeking help on the operation of a Windows based computer.  There was considerable difficulty in playing the training videos.  If she had a dollar for every one of her chins, she could retire a rich woman.  There was a Parakeet there as well, squawking away, in a birdcage the size of a large shoe box.  This is not the life that that bird had imagined...

Prior to coming here, I had spoken with Catherine about returning to Cortez to drive.  The office were enthusiastic to see me, even that sassy fruitcake of a dispatcher - who I can't stand.  Catherine was short on the phone - she didn't seem to want to talk.  Perhaps I should try her at another time, more like 3 a.m.  I've learned that there are two types of calls that you receive at 3 a.m.  Calls from drunk people, and important/urgent calls.  Who knows, the latter may be true, it may even be Jesus reaching out to her.  Does Jesus leave voicemails?  I heard that he uses Cricket?

January 15, 2013

In Absentia

I haven't had the time to write much lately, life calls.

It appears though that something or another still drives some here to my writings.

August 19, 2012

August 27, 2009 – Cheaper Last Time?

            Sailor: How much to I.B. (Imperial Beach)
            Me: Upwards of $25.
            Sailor: What do you mean?
            Me: $25 to the front end of I.B., the closest part.
            Sailor: So how much to where I’m going?
            Me: Where do you want to go?
            Sailor: By the 5 (Interstate 5).
            Me:  Around $28.
            Sailor: It was $20 last time.
            Me: No it wasn’t.
            Sailor: Yeah, so will you do it for $20.
            Me: No.
            Sailor: Well that’s what it was last time.
            Me:  I don’t set the rates, the city does.  They are set by mileage, and             whatever the meter comes out to is going to be your fare.  I can take             whatever route that you would like me to, but it’s going to be at least $27.
            Sailor: Ok

                        We arrive 15 minutes later…
            Me: $27.40
            Sailor: Ok. (Gives me exactly 27.40).
            Me: Thanks
            Sailor: Sorry, I’d give more but that’s all I got.
            Me: Wow, you must really be good at estimation.  If the meter rolled over another 20 cents I guess we would be in trouble huh.
            Sailor: (Confused) Yeah.

I had asked a tough question…

August 11, 2012

August 19, 2009 – Cat Séance

           I like talking with Jefferson.  We find common ground on a variety of topics – politics, the cab company, humor, etc.  Today the conversation segued into the topic of past living situations.  We’ve all had them, and lived with strange people at one point or another.

            Previous to his current situation, the one where he lives with Randy, he lived with an odd lady named Ingrid.  She had several cats, but the one that she was closest to had died.  One night when Jefferson came home, he walked into what can only be described as a “Cat Séance” of sorts.  They were all at a table with candles and the cat was lying right there in the middle of it.  He could not tell if any communication had been made…

(You'll have to excuse my lazily photoshopped graphic, these take much time, and unfortunately, that has been in short supply lately. 

            In an odd turn of events, when Jefferson had agreed to let Randy come and live with him, Jefferson’s cat “Tigger” had mysteriously died on the very first day.  Jefferson was not happy.  Tigger had lived to the ripe old age of 14.  There would be no attempt at reaching out to the spirits with Tigger.

Big in Russia

      Strangely enough, most of my audience is coming from Russia nowadays.  Perhaps because I enabled Transliteration in Russian?

August 8, 2009 – I Get In Fender-Benders Like They’re Going Out of Style

           Yep, another one.  Same things that happens every time.  An overly timid driver darts into traffic and panics, slamming on their breaks.  In anticipation of them being a good driver, I see them moving forwards and anticipate them having the courage to merge.  They do not.  It’s really hard to describe the intersection unless you see it.  It’s a mess.

            It’s my fault, although not my fault alone.  The girl was nice about it.  She lives in PB and her car gets hit all of the time she tells me.  We go separate ways.  I think part of the problem is that I’m just so tired.  Perhaps it was because I was up smoking pot till 4 a.m.  That’s the only thing that makes this job tolerable.  I’ve been slamming a few beers, and eating chunks of cheese and just going to bed – but I like smoking better.

            I would just get a medical marijuana card and be done with it, but I’d still be violating federal transportation regulations.  That would be fine though, because Catherine’s never heard of it.

Get this –

            Recently a driver was given a random drug test.  He tested positive for Marijuana.  Catherine then told him that he couldn’t continue to work here.  When he explained that he was prescribed Marijuana for medical purposes Catherine was dumbfounded.  She had never heard of California’s Medical Marijuana Initiative…

Never even heard of it -

            Mysteriously, about a month later all the drivers were brought in to sign a new contract with company.  The reason?  They had lost all of the old contracts and needed the drivers to sign the “exact same” contracts.  I wondered how they disappeared right out of the file cabinet?  The office had lied, they weren’t exactly the same.  There was an addendum stating that being prescribed Marijuana for medical purposes would not be allowed by company employees. 

August 10, 2012

August 6, 2009 – Headlights, a Luxury at Cortez Cab

             I’ve discovered yet another problem with my cab.  That the fucking headlights don’t work!!!

            Well, in all fairness, they do work – albeit intermittently.  It’s really hard to predict.  Sometimes they work for weeks at a time, sometimes minutes.  As the headlights cut out they emit (well, something emits) a high-pitched buzzing.  It’s really fucking embarrassing.  Often times there are customers in the car.  I explain a little bit about how our company works.  They’re usually understanding, and often sympathathetic.  The operation is really pretty unbelievable to those of us with any inkling of sanity.

            What’s the fix?  Well, the fix is driving in the dark for about 10 seconds with the headlights off.  You just have to turn the headlights off, but you can leave the little amber running lights on.  After about 10 seconds you can turn the headlights on and it’s back to “normal.”  If you don’t turn the headlights off it doesn’t fix the problem and the irritating buzzing continues. 

            I explained to the shop what I was encountering and they weren’t able to find the culprit.  I was silly to think so.  This won’t be going back to the shop for this anymore. That is unless I want them to duck tape a few large flashlights above where working headlights would be.  Better yet, they would likely used checkered tape.  I bet Catherine buys it at Costco in 1000 yard rolls.  I’d tell the morning driver to bring in the car – but there’s a problem.  I don’t speak idiot, although working here, it wouldn’t be hard to pick up.

July 31, 2012

Search Keywords

August 3, 2009 – Stolen Ride

          Today I got to steal a ride from “El Mejor” for a change.  This son of a bitch steals rides anywhere and everywhere he can.  That’s why they call him “El Mejor” or translated in English – “The Best”.  Today I was the best. 

            They sent him for a call and I was right there.  They were pretty much giving it out as I got there.  For anyone else I would have just left it, but not for this greedy turd-worlder (a play on words if you will).

            It was a good ride.  They went all the way to Pacific Beach, or PB as the locals call it.  I told him that they went local.  No need to build animosity.  If it was Kirk, I probably would have said I was going to Los Angeles just to get him all riled up.

June 20, 2009 – The Expensive Ticket

        Recently got a ticket.  It was an expensive one.  Thank you California.  One more way of you sticking it to small business owners. Hats off to you.

"Pro Century Insurance" - Sounds like dog-shit insurance to me.  Of course if you ever get into an accident Catherine more or less threatens to take away your job if you don't pay out of pocket.

July 23, 2009


So it seems that nearly all of the traffic coming to my site is somehow related to "redneck" culture.  Therefore, I will make an attempt to post more stories about "Randy" the binge drinking, broke, chain smoking, overindulging, pervert.

As I tribute, I just thought I would display some pictures of Walmart shoppers.  Feast your eyes.

July 18, 2009

July 18, 2009 – Vinny’s Hand Me Down Porn

             Yesterday Vincent discretely handed me a large brown envelope.  He told me that his friend was playing a joke on him and sending porn to his house.  Vinny didn’t want it around the house.  I believe that he lives alone though, so I’m not sure what he was so worried about.  There was the usual overabundance of profanity that has become Vincent’s trademark, only this time it wasn’t directed at other drivers or their “motha’s.”

            I gave them a watch.  Seemed like pretty lowbrow stuff, although truthfully I wouldn’t know the difference.  Seemed like better stuff than Randy watches though.  Jefferson, Randy’s roommate, said that once every few days there would be a new stack of porn mags in the living room.  Like 40 a month!  He told me that Randy was just buying them at newsstand price.  Don’t those cost like $10 each?  That’s a few hundred dollars a month just in nudie mags.  Jefferson said that most of the mags came with videos, so consequently there were hundreds of them.  Jefferson fancies himself as porn aficionado of sorts.  He said they were crap.  Randy felt that porn, and booze, oh, and expensive seafood dinners were better investments than his share of rent money.

Vincent's Donation

            Jefferson also told me that a few months back Kevin tried to pawn his porn collection to him.  Jefferson politely declined as diplomatically as possible and explained that the donation was sub-par and beneath his standards.  Kevin was afraid that his girlfriend Rhonda, Linda’s sister, might find it.  I’ve seen Rhonda, and she’s in no position to complain.  After seeing Rhonda I can completely understand why Kevin thinks about fucking other girls.  Who could blame him?  Though in all fairness she’s a 10 compared to Linda who sleeps in her clothes, doesn’t brush her teeth, smells like a homeless man’s asscrack, and hasn’t had sex with a man in her 54 years on this Earth…  That makes me think of a great George Carlin quote:

 “I’ve never fucked a 10, but one night I fucked five 2’s – I think that counts.”

If that were the case, he would have to fuck 20 Lindas, and unlike having sex with a perfect 10, that would be nothing to write home about…

July 6, 2009

July 6, 2009 – Sonny of a Bitch

           About a week ago I had a minor fender bender in front of the main hotel.  There were a few taxi drivers parked in the vicinity but none of them seemed to notice – likely because years of driving a taxi have turned them into mindless drones.

            I was tired as I had worked through the previous night and the sun had come up.  It was about 10 a.m.  When you are attempting to work a double shift the fatigue often doesn’t hit you until the sun rises the next morning.  Perhaps the transition from night to day, or the transition to the morning drivers.  They’re absolutely awful.  Never in my life have I seen such a sad group of undignified, undomesticated, misfits.  Shameful.

            So back to the case at hand.  I was probably on my 16th hour or so and I glanced against this guy’s car as I was pulling to the curb.  Once I scraped against him he slammed on his horn.  Did he think that I didn’t realize that my car had collided with his?   The horn would have been best applied proactively.  More often than not the wailing of a car horn is doled out as more of a punitive measure than a preventative one.

            So we get out and he’s pissed.  Sonny was his name.  I wish that I could provide his full name, but alas, I cannot.  He really was a little bitch about the whole thing but I think after a few he came to realize that these things do happen and that it would just be best to exchange insurance information and keep in touch.  We agreed that this was a matter that could be best dealt with off of the books.  Out of sight, out of mind – no need to let Catherine know about things.

            There was only minor damage, just a little scuffed paint and a small scratch on the bumper.  I called him a few days later to follow up and try to arrange a time to get things fixed.  He did not return my call, but rather left me a call several days later demanding, more or less, to know when I would take care of his damages.  I addressed him politely, albeit sharply, and explained how I had attempted to resolve this earlier.  Then he tried to show me some $1,100.00 estimate that a mechanic had written up.  I explained that the figure was much too high and that I would not be willing to pay out such an outrageous sum for a bumper - a figure that a friend of his had likely come up with.

            Sure enough I was able to get an estimate for $240.00.  Then he complained that he had trouble getting rides to work and had to get a rental car and all.  I explained to Sonny that if we had decided to take the insurance company route that would have been possible.  In an attempt at appeasement I offered additional compensation to help him out.

            So today I went met up with Sonny at the scene and handed him an envelope with $300.00 and a contract stating that this would be the end of our discussions and that we had agreed that no further action would be taken.  He agreed but turned his nose up at the $300.00 and stated that he thought, “he would be compensated” for his troubles.  I explained that he had and I had paid out $60.00 above and beyond what his repairs had come to.

            Sonny was disappointed and in a desperation move he stated that his son was sick and in the hospital.  I explained that I was sorry to hear that and went on my way.  Really?  Trying to capitalize on your sick son (if this was in fact true).   How much more did he want?  Would an extra $50 dollars have been enough to carry him through his financial difficulties?  I think that I was pretty fucking nice about the whole thing.  After all, I could have just told him to get lost since there had been no police report, and that it was pretty much my word against his.  By now, chances are that I know the traffic court much better than him and I have days off.  If Sonny had decided to go that route there would be grey skies ahead.

June 24, 2009

Search Keywords and Photos

Feast your eyes.  Pee jug mullet?

I kind of like the photo, but I just couldn't get the exposure right on the sign.  Meh...

June 24, 2009 - A Kirk Sighting

         Snapped a quick picture of "Kirk" today.  Kirk is camera shy, you must be very careful when photographing him.  Much like wildlife really.  A telephoto lens would have been best.

Kirk's actually in uniform black pants, collared shirt.  It's fine if you look like a slob, but you have to have your black pants and collared shirt.

June 22, 2009

June 22, 2009 - The New Place

Moved out of my apartment the other day because the roommate wished to move back to home.  So, my living situation has changed...

Should we really be promoting misbehavior?


The spiders seem to have found a home as well....

Grime sifter.

June 19, 2009

June 19, 2009 – More Bumper Cars

            Today crossing 3rd street again I got into a minor fender bender.  Same situation as the last one – the driver darted into traffic and slammed on his brakes.  Why do people do this?

            I wouldn’t say it was carelessness on my part.  If you could see the intersection it would make more sense.  There was this tiny little scuff on the bumper.  The guy didn’t speak much English and wasn’t sure what to do.  I offered to fix it myself but he wanted to talk to his insurance.  Nice enough guy, but it seemed that he was more worried about collecting money.  I switched insurance information with him and promised to keep in touch.  Since there was damage, however minimal, I figured that I should tell Catherine.  Usually people aren’t worried about these things and we just exchange handshakes and part ways.  No harm no foul, and no need bother the office.

            What was strange is that Catherine got really worried when I told here that I passed along the company’s insurance information.  This was a big deal apparently…  I reminded her that this is common procedure, and the law as well.  Catherine isn’t too familiarized with law – or so it seems.  Indefinitely aloof.  

            I turned all of the accident paperwork.  Much of it was left blank with notes such – “I do not feel that this question can be answered with certainty” and the like.  It seemed as if the whole reason for the accident report was to remove liability from the company.  I wasn’t fooled.

            Later in the week I plan to meet with the other driver and settle our claim.  It will be settled informally.

June 17, 2009

June 17, 2009 – Bums, Bums, Bums

Every few days I get one of these.

            These rides are the worst.  We get these pickups from the local hospital to pick up one of the bums from San Diego.  For some reason they cart them over here to Cortez.  When we get them they always smell like shit, have no money, and are usually still half in the bag.  Often times they have pissed their pants.  Often times they are beaten up and you have to worry about your seats getting stained with a range of fluids.  They have been known to throw up in the cars of other taxi drivers.

            Since they have no money the hospital gives us a voucher to take them to a predetermined destination.  Usually Chicano Park.  A bum dumping ground of sorts.  The only tip that I get is from other drivers – “Try to avoid these rides, they suck.”  Amen brother!

            Sometimes they want to go to another destination, which we don’t do.  Since the hospital is paying for what they want we go with what they tell us.  Sometimes the bums get surly and bark (and grunt) orders.  Usually they’re unintelligible.  After picking up one belligerent bum after another the rides from the sailors start looking pretty rosy.

June 11, 2009

Search Keywords

Too busy to leave a story, so I'll leave you with this weeks search keywords -

Many of the usual.  I see people are still looking for "dinosaur porn".  Other trends that I have noticed are that anything with angry, redneck, or ass is usually a widely searched term.

June 10, 2009

More Pictures of Our Shitty Cabs

What do shitty cabs look like, oh why they look like this of course -

Nice fix on the window switch.  Was this done by the mechanic's apprentice?  Did they gouge that out with a circular saw?

Why go through all that trouble of trying to remove those hubcaps when you can just spray paint them while they're on the rim.  Have you ever tried to take a hubcap off?  Well, if you have you would know that it takes only seconds - this is pure laziness.

Bob Villa didn't do this, I can tell you that much.  More like Stevie Wonder.

The fix all, hex bolts and wood screws.  

I take it the cruise control doesn't work.

If you look in on the dash behind the wheel you'll see the business card covering up the check engine light.  Nice fix.