Yesterday
Vincent discretely handed me a large brown envelope. He told me that his friend was playing a joke on him and
sending porn to his house. Vinny
didn’t want it around the house. I
believe that he lives alone though, so I’m not sure what he was so worried
about. There was the usual
overabundance of profanity that has become Vincent’s trademark, only this time
it wasn’t directed at other drivers or their “motha’s.”
I
gave them a watch. Seemed like
pretty lowbrow stuff, although truthfully I wouldn’t know the difference. Seemed like better stuff than Randy
watches though. Jefferson, Randy’s
roommate, said that once every few days there would be a new stack of porn mags
in the living room. Like 40 a
month! He told me that Randy was
just buying them at newsstand price.
Don’t those cost like $10 each?
That’s a few hundred dollars a month just in nudie mags. Jefferson said that most of the mags
came with videos, so consequently there were hundreds of them. Jefferson fancies himself as porn aficionado
of sorts. He said they were
crap. Randy felt that porn, and
booze, oh, and expensive seafood dinners were better investments than his share
of rent money.
Vincent's Donation
Jefferson
also told me that a few months back Kevin tried to pawn his porn collection to
him. Jefferson politely declined
as diplomatically as possible and explained that the donation was sub-par and beneath his standards. Kevin
was afraid that his girlfriend Rhonda, Linda’s sister, might find it. I’ve seen Rhonda, and she’s in no
position to complain. After seeing
Rhonda I can completely understand why Kevin thinks about fucking other
girls. Who could blame him? Though in all fairness she’s a 10
compared to Linda who sleeps in her clothes, doesn’t brush her teeth, smells
like a homeless man’s asscrack, and hasn’t had sex with a man in her 54 years
on this Earth… That makes me think
of a great George Carlin quote:
“I’ve never
fucked a 10, but one night I fucked five 2’s – I think that counts.”
If that were the case, he would have to fuck 20 Lindas, and unlike
having sex with a perfect 10, that would be nothing to write home about…
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